Monday, May 22, 2006
I spent this morning in a very atypical fashion. Usually, my Mondays would be spent in bed...yes, the whole day I would be in bed..I would sleep till noon, check my emails, take a shower, watch tv till 4pm, take a short nap...and only at 7pm would I be totally refreshed and rejuvenated...but guess what? I actually woke up at 8am and walked to the post office to pay my bills. And I realised what a beautiful morning it was...so, I went home, grabbed my mobile and mp3 player, put on my cap and left...the cool morning breeze was practically shouting at me to get out and take a walk around the neighbourhood. And I did.
I started from East Sussex Road (or was it Avenue??hahaha), walked towards Jelita, passed Henry Park Pri School, walked along Mount Sinai, reached Ghim Moh...and I continued walking to Holland before I turned towards East Sussex once again....so all in all, I circled the entire Mount Sinai-Ghim Moh-Holland neighbourhood....hehehe...and I covered everything in 1 hour....cos I really walked very,very slowly.....:P And for some reason, I felt like tearing up as I was walking....maybe becos I am PMSing right now....or cos of the music in my ears (my mp3 is loaded with sad love songs...hahahaha)...or maybe it was just the beautiful greenery around me....I just felt so melancholic as I was walking....and for that one hour, I had a lot of thoughts in my mind...
Work...the children....my impending Mount Kinabalu trip...him...
*sigh*
How long has it been since he left? 9 months? 10 months? Sometimes, I dont even feel like keeping track anymore...cos doing that is not going to make him come back to my side this very instant...and I dont like to stress him out by asking him when he will come back to Singapore...cos I dont want to distract him from his studies....I dont want to make him unhappy...I dont want him to miss Singapore too much....so, I keep quiet...I pepper my messages with cheerful words, desperately trying to hide my real feelings...I try to sound optimist for his sake. For my sanity's sake too, I guess...:)
But sometimes it shows...and I cannot help it.
Some days, I would be really happy. I would laugh, I have a certain bounce in my step...I just feel good, u know....But some days, I would just feel damn shitty. I feel like I just want to jump. And I will secretly cry in the dark. I would have a relapse. I would start missing him like crazy again. I crumble. And it definitely shows.
I cant help it. I live for him. It is his love which is sustaining my life right now. He is my energy. He is my universe. He is what I live for.
I love him.
*sigh*
See, even when I said that I would not talk about him anymore, I would end up talking about him even more....
*double sigh*
Anyway, Happy Birthday to the May babies....to my sis who turned 29 today, well I hope you will stop being so bimbotic all the time....hahahahaha...but no matter what, I cannot wish for a better sister than you...be happy always ya! Cant wait to scale Mount Kinabalu with u...!!! Banzai!!!!! And to my mates Nad and Nisa....Nad, although we have not met for some time now, you will always be in my heart! We should meet up soon ya!! And Nisa...no matter how many friends I make in this lifetime, you will always be one of my bestest pals...you stuck by me for 3 years and I wanna tell u dat I wouldnt be able to go thru 3 years in JI without you and the other gals...only you could tolerate my bad temperedness....you saw my ugliest side yet you still wanna be my friend....and I really appreciate that....thanks ya...*hugs*
Well, lets end this post on a high note ya...even when black clouds loom over my head, I know that the love from the people around me will lift my spirits again....my family, friends and my significant wonder....I love all of you!!!!!!!
:)
p/s: Ryan is out of SYTYCD...*sobz* But if that will put him out of his misery, then I am happy for him...and I know that with or without the show, Ryan will continue to dance...Ryan, you rock and you dont need a tv show to tell you that!! *woohoo*
pp/s:Peterpan is coming to Singapore for a showcase at Hard Rock Cafe next month! And the worse thing is, I will not be in Singapore!!!!!!!! I will still be in Sabah!!! *sobz sobz* Anybody going??? Cos if you are, I need you to pass my love letter to Uki.....hahahahahahahahahaha!! *I'm joking!!!!*
`iRained
i loved @ 9:26 PM
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